Traumatic bonding

For many years I have wondered why people who are in abusive relationships stay, why they take it and allow someone else to have so much control over them, how they could feel love for the abuser. To someone who hasn’t been there it is very hard to grasp the dynamics involved in what the abused person goes through. Traumatic bonding could help many people, men and women, understand their unhealthy attachment to the abuser. I think Stockholm Syndrome and Traumatic Attachment have a lot in common and in some ways is the same thing just for different kinds of abusive relationship, but I am getting off track.

It is helpful to understand that this dynamic between the abuser and the abused is what makes the abused stay keeps them holding on and loving and giving. It is interesting to note that like Pavlov’s dogs a human being’s mind functions similarly. If given love and affection and praise intermittently a person is likely to stay even if being abused. Ah the human mind what a wonder it is. I think this is helpful for someone in an abusive relationship and perhaps to someone who knows someone who is in an abusive relationship.

To heal you have to know what you are dealing with.

Well I found two interesting articles regarding Traumatic Bonding which explain it much better than my ramblings, here’s the links

Traumatic Bonding


Overcoming Fear of Intimacy for People in Love: How to Develop Trust and Vulnerability in Love Relationships

This is just an interesting article I stumbled across … again, thought I’d share. For some of us intimacy comes easily but for others it is a nightmare and they can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel. Well enjoy.

Explore. Learn. Become.

Don’t forget that some people are simply less demonstrative about their feelings; this doesn’t necessarily indicate a fear of intimacy. Remember that you can work to be yourself and develop trust and vulnerability in your love relationships, but you can’t change your loved ones.

Overcoming your fear of intimacy involves:

# Recognizing your habit of hiding behind emotional walls, whether it’s withdrawing silently or being overly effusive and talkative. To overcome fear of intimacy, you need to see yourself objectively.
# Realizing that hiding doesn’t necessarily mean verbal silence. You can hide your real self and still be the extroverted centre of attention or leader of the pack.
# Noticing when you’re hiding, and consciously deciding if you should continue (sometimes you don’t necessarily want to spill your guts – you need to discern when to open up). When you’re trying to overcoming fear of intimacy, you need to choose when to open up.
# Telling your partner that you want to hide, and you feel uncomfortable talking about your thoughts. Overcoming fear of intimacy means sharing your discomfort and fear, especially with someone you love. Communication often makes negative feelings dissipate.
# Practicing sharing one thought at a time. Take small steps with people you trust; soon, sharing yourself will become a habit and you’ll be comfortable developing trust and vulnerability in your love relationships. You can overcome your fear of intimacy – one step at a time.
# Seeking help from a counselor if these steps don’t work for you. There are underlying issues that are making you fearful, and dealing with those directly may be the only way to overcome your fear of intimacy.

From friends to lovers…

Going from friendship into a romantic relationship is never easy and full of surprises good and bad. If you are in such a situation honesty and communication is the way to go. It’s risky to make the change from friends to lovers because you do run the risk of losing that friendship, but sometimes the risk is worth it. Here’s an article to help you think about it a little bit more. At the end of the day we can consult the internet for just about anything but the final decision the final vote rests with us always.


The truth about deception…

We’ve all been there. We’ve all told a lie, but when does it become a problem? When is lying about every little thing too much? For me it becomes a problem when it affects your relationships, when the liar cannot see beyond their own lies the hurt they are causing. Here’s an interesting article as well as the website itself. It is not always easy to navigate life and the many people we have to interact with, but with knowledge and thought we can better equip ourselves to deal with life’s ups and downs.