Re: Malignant Optimism: The Ugly Duckling

What Was I Thinking?
by Lynn S.

Just what was I thinking in excusing his faults?
Why did I put up with his verbal assaults?
I ignored contradictions, saying “He’s just that way.”
I honestly thought he would grow up someday.

I first tried acceptance to dissuade all his rants.
If love conquers all, then he, too, had a chance.
If he could believe my intentions were true
Then he’d surely find peace. Why, he’d be like brand new!

To know what I now know would have saved me some strife.
He’ll always be frightened of love and of life,
Refusing acceptance of guilt or of blame.
His faults lie with others. It’s always the same.

Just what was I thinking in trying to be kind?
What made me persist when no truth I could find?
I trusted that underneath all of his muck
Was a swan in disguise. Now I just see a duck.

http://forum2.aimoo.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/At-The-End-of-the-Sky-by-LynnS-Read-Only/The-Ugly-Duckling-Malignant-Optimism-1-370230.html

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Overcoming Fear of Intimacy for People in Love: How to Develop Trust and Vulnerability in Love Relationships

This is just an interesting article I stumbled across … again, thought I’d share. For some of us intimacy comes easily but for others it is a nightmare and they can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel. Well enjoy.

Explore. Learn. Become.

Don’t forget that some people are simply less demonstrative about their feelings; this doesn’t necessarily indicate a fear of intimacy. Remember that you can work to be yourself and develop trust and vulnerability in your love relationships, but you can’t change your loved ones.

Overcoming your fear of intimacy involves:

# Recognizing your habit of hiding behind emotional walls, whether it’s withdrawing silently or being overly effusive and talkative. To overcome fear of intimacy, you need to see yourself objectively.
# Realizing that hiding doesn’t necessarily mean verbal silence. You can hide your real self and still be the extroverted centre of attention or leader of the pack.
# Noticing when you’re hiding, and consciously deciding if you should continue (sometimes you don’t necessarily want to spill your guts – you need to discern when to open up). When you’re trying to overcoming fear of intimacy, you need to choose when to open up.
# Telling your partner that you want to hide, and you feel uncomfortable talking about your thoughts. Overcoming fear of intimacy means sharing your discomfort and fear, especially with someone you love. Communication often makes negative feelings dissipate.
# Practicing sharing one thought at a time. Take small steps with people you trust; soon, sharing yourself will become a habit and you’ll be comfortable developing trust and vulnerability in your love relationships. You can overcome your fear of intimacy – one step at a time.
# Seeking help from a counselor if these steps don’t work for you. There are underlying issues that are making you fearful, and dealing with those directly may be the only way to overcome your fear of intimacy.

http://www.suite101.com/content/overcoming-fear-of-intimacy-a10261

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